I just sit and watch, I listen and observe

It’s something I’ve always done 

Placing my thoughts somewhere unheard

except in the minds of the people who’s heads, they’re already overrun


my thoughts remain 
preserved and undisturbed
but do I deserve the nerves?
As if this was anything but a change of pace

This place has always remained the same

while I witnessed everyone waiting for the scenery to change.

And I guess I’ve just been that kid all along. 

and that was the only place that I’ve ever called home.


It was the only place that I've known, the soil where I was grown.
I come back and walk down familiar streets

see unfamiliar faces pass me by without a second glance

without a greet and no repeat, 

I don’t think their apathetic stance is just by chance.

I’ve seen that look in your eye

the same one I see in the expressions 
of people 
just passing me by

I try to remember if this is how it’s always been.


Is this how it's always been?

it’s a furtive glance and nothing more.

It’s like they can’t have rain unless it pours.

I see the emptiness calling out

like a ghost that with no voice 
trying to shout.
Mouth to dry to speak

slowly dehydrating from the drought.

and I feel it too.



I’m a naturalist

a marijuana advocate 

and that’s my catalyst

I’m still a graduate, an antagonist

I’m an accident, an absent activist

I can’t stand to hear another word 
or take this shit.



Behind these white walls 
I’m slipping away,
with no phone calls 

or anyone to keep my demons and ghosts at bay.

I’m just siting up in bed, lying awake

finding any attempt to supplicate that I’m just lost in my head,
and 
that’s just the way it’s always been.


When the sun rises with rays that are divided 
through my window 

and I still see nothing but grizzled skies foggy, and grey. 

and I can hear the wind blow
 from the ground below.

Maybe I’d be excited to see 
if everything at once didn’t get to me.


I just feel it too.

I guess I always have.



You and I, I realized were not so different.

but the unsettling realization is 
what I hate about both of us
is that we’re not resistant 
and I’ve become so distant.
and I know you feel it too


We all look for purpose,
because I guess we think that we deserve it.
But we spend life times working for nickels and dimes

just to find no matter how hard you persist, it just doesn’t exist.



It’s a mistake, it's a fallacy, it’s not even in our reality.

it’s only in our hearts and minds and their expansive duality. 



The whispers speak out in the darkness

it haunts us and you lie awake, your mind unscathed and
everything that you heard, and every word
 you tattooed
with the scars of the past

you wear a synthetic smile like you were miscast


You just can’t speak up about anything you’ve been through

I guess when it comes down to it
 I just don’t envy you.



And all along it’s been this way

and I think it will always stay the same 
and remain unchanged.


But I’m forced to hear the silence in human vice, poverty, and violence 

read between the lines, in the fine print, see simplicity in complexity
But I’m just not finding it.



and I'm just not finding it, and I guess I just feel it too.

But there is just nothing we can do.