I can never forget the things I’ve seen

All the regrets that have filled the seams

All the scenes we’ve caused

and broken doors and ripped out screens.

through the late nights of domestic fights 

screaming at each other
 in the black out snow storm candle light,



and Dad, 
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t love you.

I just wish that you had been there growing up 

and all the bullshit that this family went through.

If you could take all this back would you make it right?

Preventing shouting fights

and days without lights or heat and gas
 no cash to pay the bills

not even milk or even bread and it fucking kills
days spent on an empty stomach

at least I still have my moral compass.

I can never repay you, Rob,

for working the countless hours at dead end jobs

just to keep us afloat 

and I know that it can seem like life’s a joke

when you try to cope with the fact 

the punchline is just a verbal attack

I know you said that you’d never have kids

but I’m hoping someday you’ll give in and that will change.
You’re a man, a provider.

I’m just the younger brother, 

a lost ghost writer.


I could never have done what you had done,

even if the light in my dark was brighter.


You were the one who fought for Kevin and I.
A brother, our true father; something we could never deny.

Kev, you and I we are destined for better things

Some day, we’ll look back and laugh

and we’ll sing 
this song about talks of outer space,

and setting up a Moon base, and getting out past saturns rings
But we just can’t break this pattern in what we find
living below the poverty line 
we’re always working overtime

just for pennies, and nickels and dimes.



and I hope when I have kids of my own

I’ll be a provider
 and a good father and give them a home

with a roof and food on the table 
let them know they’re never alone

even when you and I are unstable,
 unable or disabled.


I will still be able to see them off

on field trips and to Bruin’s games.

their passion in music they 
let the family roots grow unchanged.


I just wish that you would the same.

Dad, I just wish you would do the same.

If it eased the pain, would you take it all back

or leave our lives where
 they were set to be arranged?

at 21, you see me now 

and all I hope is that I’ve made you proud

and that you just accept me for the way I’ve turned out.